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As you fidget at the end of the aisle, anxiously waiting for the first glimpse of your beautiful bride, he’s the guy standing beside you, cracking jokes to calm your nerves. Every groom needs a bestman.Selecting someone to be your bestman may seem like a straightforward decision – obviously, you’ll pick your brother or your best mate who you’ve been friends with since primary school. But your decision should be based upon more than just friendship or family duty. There are other things to consider that you may not have thought of. While it seems obvious to choose your brother or long-time friend, make sure they have the right qualities to be a bestman. It’s your wedding and your bestman’s duties can vary as you see fit, but there are certain tasks a bestman traditionally takes care of. His most high-profile job is to keep the rings safe and present them to the groom at the appropriate time during the ceremony. But his duties start well before the wedding. He will plan and organise your stag party and ensure you make it home in one piece (so he needs to be someone you can trust). He will keep the marriage licence secure for the day of the wedding, and help you select gifts for your bride on behalf of your groomsmen. If you’re having a rehearsal dinner, he’s likely to make a speech. Aside from his role as ‘keeper of the ring’, on the day of the wedding his most important responsibility is making sure you are relaxed, prepared and dressed in time. After the ceremony, he is in charge of transportation, and ensuring all guests, including you and your new bride, make it to the reception. He’ll deliver payments on your behalf to the celebrant, photographer, chauffeurs, band and caterer. One of the highlights of the reception is usually the bestman’s speech, so he has a lot to live up to in terms of guests’ expectations, which puts a fair amount of pressure on him. When you weigh all this up, suddenly your drinking buddy from uni may not be the best choice for this important role. Having your bestman slurring his way through the speeches and forgetting to pay the caterer is not a good look. And you might want to think twice about asking the practical joker of the bunch. A wedding is just too tempting, and inappropriate comments will go down like a lead balloon. There are certain characteristics that make a great bestman. Look for someone who is: organised; low stress and a calming influence; trustworthy, reliable and responsible; friendly and outgoing – preferably someone who many of your family and friends already know well; living in the same country (and ideally, the same city) as you; not too busy with family and work commitments. Most importantly, make sure your fiancée approves of your choice. It will make things a lot easier all round. It’s your wedding so don’t feel obligated to ask any particular person. If your mates are competing for the job, then it may be safer to choose a family member. If you’re not on good terms with your brother, choose a mate. It’s always a good idea to announce your choices for bestman and groomsmen all at the same time to stop anyone from feeling left out. There’s no reason why your father or son can’t be your bestman. And, although it may be considered somewhat unconventional, having a bestwoman is another option. If you have two really good friends who expect to be bestman at your wedding, why not have both of them? They could share the role – organising the stag party together, dividing the duties during the ceremony: one handing you the rings, the other witnessing the marriage licence. And at the reception, they could give a joint speech. |